The New Normal.. I ran into a young lady I knew, while shopping at Macy’s. I haven’t seen her in ages and we caught up with the usually small talk. I told her that I had a baby and he was nearby with his dad right now.To this she responded…. ” I can’t believe someone like you has a baby! I just thought you were such a goodie goodie.” I stared at her…. crickets chirping… perplexed.
“What’s wrong with having a baby,” I say. I didn’t want to implicate her issue because she had her daughter out of wedlock. I understand that it happens. There is peace, restoration and redemption for stepping out of God’s will for the family, besides a baby is always a blessing. However how do I correct this young lady by telling her that I happen to have a child with my husband to whom I am married. And furthermore why is your first presumption that I had my child out of wedlock?
Well its the New Normal! Followers of Christ along with non-believers for years have written off sexual sin as an unstoppable desire of the flesh. Forgetting that the scripture tells us:
2 Peter 1:3 “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”
Philippians 2:13 “ for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.”
Have we gone so far from the idea of a biblical family that when I mention my son, one’s first inclination is that I am not married and furthermore that his father is probably not involved in his life?
I admit I have never seen the show, The New Normal, but I understand the premise. Its 2014, the family structure is different. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Blended families and 2nd and 3rd marriages are the norm. Having children before marriage is no longer the exception, its now the norm and the absence of Fathers is at an all time high.
Another young lady I know was dating a man she was particularly head over heals for. She told me, to my complete confusion, ” I want him to be my baby daddy.” My response was… ” well what about you wanting him to be your husband?” To which she replied, “Whatever comes first.”
What ever comes first… So many young ladies are not holding men to a standard of commitment and responsibility. They no longer have to actually buy the cow to get the milk, so when it comes to a future relationship with them, the new normal is to take what you can get. To be his “main chick” to be his baby momma, verses demanding to be a wife first.
I once had a conversation with a friend that insisted that Media doesn’t have as much control over the masses as we “right wing conservatives” like to think so. But shows like The New Normal and Modern Family, hilarious as it may be, are no longer subversive about challenging social mores. Its now championed and boldly found within the title of these sitcoms, that what we perceived to be normal is no longer normal, what we thought was consistent is now antiquated.
As an 80’s baby who had her coming of age in the 90’s, I remember when shows like 90210 and Dawson’s creek boldly defied typical media practices by showing young adults and even teens involved in sexual relationships on prime time TV. Slowly but surely, sex out side of marriage and alternative family life styles were no longer on the fringe but now its expected. Not only is it expected but if you dare to disagree you are banished to the land of bigots and small minded people.
Is it even a question what fruits the New Normal have yielded in society? What is being championed as freedom to choose, a sexual revolution, a nod in the direction of relativity, is evidenced in social decay. Fatherlessness has been statistically proven to lead to lower self esteem, depression, and it even makes you more likely to be incarcerated. Single parent homes often, but not always, find themselves financially struggling, leading to a greater demand for social services, And the children… the children who witness their parents giving up on each other, or those who have never met their fathers and the lasting impact we know it has on their development.
Maybe the New Normal is simply a slow decent into accepting a substandard of living… Taking what one can get instead of demanding the best.
I end on this note, possibly meant for another blog. I spoke with a man who is recently divorced, a father of 6 children with his wife. I don’t know the situation behind their story but as a new mom and new wife I can’t seem to wrap my mind around what would spur someone to give up, to not fight for legacy and family. To not fight for emotional well being a the clan that they created together. It hurts my heart… I guess its jut the New Normal.