After my emergency C section I have been the target of many seemingly helpful moms who were lucky enough to give birth naturally, or even men sometimes who apparently received a crash course in midwifery or hospital management within the two seconds in which they were speaking with me. So I decided to create this list of 8 things you should Not say to a c-section mom…
1. “Oh I am so sorry… what happened.”
First of all there is nothing to be sorry about… I have a beautiful bouncing baby boy and I couldn’t be happier the fact that I didn’t push him out naturally is not the end of the world!
2. ” Did they give you pitocin? (medicine that induces labor)… Well that’s why your baby was in distress.”
Ohhh really? Thank you so much for your time you put in getting a medical degree and researching all of the available studies via google.. Here’s the thing research is inconclusive it is biased by the purpose of researching and most all on the longest and scariest days of my life when the doctor whom I trust suggest an intervention that will produce the goal of healthy baby healthy mom, I take it.
3. Did you get an epidural cus that’s what did it!
Again the research on this topic actually leans in the other direction. Also it was my decision to get one, what would you say if you went to get a tooth extracted and they told you no anesthesia? And most of all be careful how you implicate that it is the mother’s fault she had a c-section whatever your personal views are be sensitive to the fact that she actually wanted a natural birth and has probably blamed herself for every incident concerning the birth.
4. Do you plan to have more children? You know so many women are having successful V-BACs these days (Vaginal Births after C-sections).
Again…. This is kinda my choice along with my husband. I would prefer not to receive a lecture about C-section when any one woman facing a V-BAC has to consider that your chance of a ruptured uterus can result in your own death and death of your child. While it is a rare occurrence who wants to be the number 1 in a million. I have to put a lot of personal thought into what I will do next.
5. Don’t worry you can try again!
-__- So you are implying that I failed?….. enough said
6. You know you wont be able to have more than 3 children.
Yes thank you I have considered that, as a matter of fact it grieves me to think about my body’s limitations for child bearing due to emergency c-section so let me deal with that grief…
7. Next time you should try home birth, birthing center, water birth etc
If you are a mom you know that the amount of advice one gets about birth is never ending the real truth is you have to find your own path. Find what you are comfortable doing and don’t pressure others.
8. You know 1/3 births is a c-section because of impatient doctors and hospital administration wants to save money and cover their butts due to insurance liability.
This one is my favorite! Whether this is true or not telling me that myself and my precious son are all apart of a big insurance plot does not help me feel better. And by the way thank you for your extensive knowledge on insurance and hospital admin. One thing I do know is that when mothers used to birth for 3 days straight we ended up with a higher infant and mother mortality rate.
The honest truth is most of these things are said by friends because they are either truly passionate about their birthing experience, they are legitimately trying to make you feel better, or they just don’t know what to say.
The fact is any mother, whose birthing experience did not go as planed is left confused and disillusioned and showing compassion and excitement at the end result, which is a beautiful baby is much more helpful then spouting off internet statistics.