Well, my husband and I celebrated one year of marriage a couple of months ago. Instead of the typical wine and dinning we went to a gun range with smiles on our faces. My husband picked up a couple of shells to give me as a reminder of our special day; I still have them and look at them often. (No this is not a joke, we really did this, also we are not part of a crazy gun militia we just like the sport) That night we got all fancy and I put on heels for the first time after the pregnancy. I proceeded to teeter totter the rest of the night at our local salsa club, we danced the night away to a live band jamming Tito Puente!
You see, we are not a normal couple, so a normal celebration just wouldn’t do… That’s the first lesson I learned in my first year of marriage!
1. Know thyself and allow room to be you!
You should have seen the looks we got when I told my colleagues that we were headed to the gun range; but it meant a lot to us. We are on a strict budget, as many are in their first year, and for just one day we decided to do the fun things we had been putting off. I thought about reserving a table for two at a nice bistro but the truth is, that seemed a bit boring to us. Over the year I have learned to love My Marriage. It is unlike any one else’s and we enjoy different things. It’s much easier to just be you instead of trying to fit into a mold.
2. Men have an inherent finding deficiency.
I am not sure what was left out of men that inhibits them from finding even ordinary things. His wallet, His socks, His glasses, His phone, pots and pans, you name it! He calls on me to activate my womanly super power locator and… boom just like that it appears in the last place he left it… I tease, finding things for my husband and making sure he starts his day off well makes me feel needed and helpful. He keeps my head on my shoulders in other areas of my life so it is a fair trade.
3. Sex makes babies!
Did I mention my little 5 month old Jude? Well our special little guy was born 9 months and 3 days after our wedding date! And NO there was no flubbing the conception date, my husband and I waited. You learn in school that sperm fertilizes egg but you don’t truly know until it happens to you. I remember talking to my dad soon after we heard the good news. I was in shock! His response to me…. What did you think would happen?! Sex makes babies so don’t forget it folks! 🙂
4. Make love well…..
Since we are on the topic of Sex. Has your mom ever called you up to talk to your about your mojo in the bed? Well mine has! As awkward as this talk was I am grateful for her sage advice to make love well! Spice it up, do things differently and most importantly do not lay there like a lump on a log which is most women’s signature move.
5. X box can be a good thing
I have more than once attempted to found of the national wives against X box club. We would host support groups for the millions of women who go to bed with their husband not by their side or even eat dinner while staring at the back of their mates’ head. I have a love hate relationship for My husband’s gaming, it is 60% hate and 40% love, but over the last year My husband and I have learned to work this out. I had to learn to communicate my needs and expectations about his gaming. Marriage changes things, it just does. So there are no more 24 hour marathons for him but I can’t always expect to lounge wherever I want and OD on wedding shows either. We have to make compromises and leave time for each other to do things solo.
6. Forgiving my husband is a part time job.
Before marriage I thought I was good at the whole forgiveness thing; it turns out I had never really had anything that needed to be forgiven! I lived a pretty sheltered life, I had tons of friends a great family and was well liked. The fact is people weren’t mean to me very often. But marriage is a tricky thing, the greater you love someone the more power they have to hurt you, and hurt you they will. So I have been learning that when the bible says forgive 70 X 7 thats a real thing! The amount of forgiveness the Father gives us is endless, so how much more should I be able to forgive my husband. Now this is not a one sided deed I am sure I have hurt him too… I am glad that God’s grace teaches us grace.
7. My husband thinks I am the hottest Women Alive!
If only years of body image issues could be washed away by an adoring husband! My husband thinks Im gorgeous! I know it because he tells me often, he desires my fiercely and he is proud to have me on his arm. But yet I still don’t like everything I see when I look in the mirror. And since the baby it still looks like an all terrain vehicle rode over my mid section, so its gotten even more difficult to love the skin I’m in. But I have learned this year to accept my husband’s admiration and know that through his eyes I’m the bomb.
8. I know its old fashioned but I love to cook for and serve my husband.
In this post female liberation era, women are taught that traditional gender roles and servitude are bad. But I have found joy and comfort in these things. I love the fact that my husband can’t get enough of my cooking! I like finding new recipes he likes and making him pancakes on saturday mornings. And oftentimes I make his plates and bring it to him. I can hear the gasps now! How dare I serve my husband! Don’t get me wrong I am happy that women are breaking barriers and being empowered but there is something special about pleasing my husband this way and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
9. Celebrate even little ways you put God first.
I am in seminary and everyone seems to think that means that I have piety figured out. The truth is sometimes I go a week without reading my bible, or my prayer life takes a nose dive. My husband and I have tried about 5 different times to start a regular devotion together. We’ve tried scripture cards, phone apps, couple’s devotionals, small group material. I am embarrassed to say that we have NEVER stuck to one. However at the very beginning of the day we huddle up as a family, we put our arms around each other and ask God’s blessing for the day. We pray that we can be a light for Christ in our workplace and that God protects our home! It seems like a small thing but we celebrate it as a daily reminder that God is first in our family.
10. Have Fun Together!
I am embarrassed to tell you some of the absolutely ridiculous things my husband and I have done together. Some, but not all include: throwing eggs off the balcony, dub step dance parties, TV marathons, climbing trees, and tickle fights.
I have a hard time truly understanding this last year of my life. Even while writing this list I have sweet memories that make me smile, and dark memories that bring up fear. As confusing as this paradox may be, I am committed to enjoy this journey and never give up. Heres to another year with you love!
You can also go visit my husband’s blog and check out his list of things that he posted